Loose ends
Feb. 5th, 2026 11:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dswdianeI posted chapter 28 of "Past Imperfect. Present Pending." And it's over. Ended. Done. Took long enough. All 40,000 words of it. Gee, it took me from the end of September until February to write 40 thousand words. Two full novels since May.
Finished posting at about 2:00am much, much earlier today. Saw patients from 10:00am until 4:00pm. My last two cancelled. I only have four tomorrow. I had to deal with a crisis from around 6:00-7:00. Enough of talking about that.
I zoomed with a friend for an hour or so. I texted and texted with Killalissa, I watched a bunch of HL vids she sent me. I read some D/M stories written by Melina. They were excellent. The most recent was written over 20 years ago.
And I started feeling really itchy about not writing. Okay, I've taken a break. Time to jump back in. Right. But I have to do some research before writing this one.
Hmm, do I really have to do all the research before I start. Probably. Dammit. I could start the set up--I can certainly start putting Methos and Duncan in the setting I want them. Oh, Remy--I'm so very sorry--I'm just not ready to get back to my X-Men novel. I really haven't forgotten you. Logan, will you please just drag Remy out on the roof and smoke some pot with him and Bobby and Hank. None of you are going any where. All are still alive and well in my head. Calm the fuck down, my darlin' Cajun. I'm obsessed with Duncan and Methos and Connor right now.
I wish I could easily get distracted into a D/M or M and C short story. As if I ever actually write anything resembling an actual *short* story. I wish we still had a lyric wheel challenge. Hmm, I spend all my damn time listening to music. I could maybe start an HL lyric wheel challenge. I wonder if anyone would want to participate. I could ask. Or I could just start writing novel number three--the last one was ended about three years into D/M living together. Maybe close to four. Oh, seven years is usually a really hard year for most couples--40% of all divorces are in the 8th year of marriages. So why?
I'm only a psychologist--maybe I could hypothesize. I've certainly seen a lot of couples around that time. I think it has to do with accepting the realities of the flaws in the other individual that are simply not going to change--think, woman, think--it's just hard me for the think of Duncan and Methos in any way except crazy in love. That's just the damn way they live in my head. Omigods, if I had to live with Methos, he and I would totally have fireworks. We're too damn much alike. But by gods, our sex life would be dynamite. Ditto on the sex with Duncan but different conflicts completely.
They totally would not have issues with their sex lives. No, I don't think any of novel 3 should be about them having couples issues. Duncan would be patient and okay with all the alone time Methos would need to pursue whatever is going on with him--and there would always be oh gods, he'd always have something he'd want to be thinking about or creating.
And mother fucking son of bitch, I promised a client I'd finish the new Harry Dresden book by his session tomorrow. Gods. I'm only 150 pages into this 450 page novel. It will not get done by 3:00 tomorrow. Maybe I can distract him. He almost is willing to talk about HL instead if he just wants part of his session to be chatting. Hell, maybe I actually get him to talk about the important psychological issues in his life. Which you know is actually supposed to be my job. I know my 11:00 is ready to dive back into the issues started last week. 12:00 is like pulling teeth, but can be accomplished. 1:00 has immediate issues with a beloved grandparent just having died--and oh, gods, the issues with his girlfriend are still up in air. Okay enough already about patients. It's almost 1:00 am.
I want to think about D/M. As if I ever stop thinking about them. I kinda wonder if maybe I should start putting some thought into the fact that my 40th wedding anniversary is 6/1 of this year. Omigods, ruby anniversary. That sounds ridiculously indulgent, but kinda nice.
Okay, I now declare myself officially bonkers. I have just spent 20 minutes looking at tiny asymmetrical ruby pendant estate sale necklaces. I actually saw one that I think I'd wear. Me. I never fucking wear jewelry. But gods I do miss the solitaire tiny emerald necklace that Roy gave me over 30 years ago. I wish I knew how the hell it just disappeared. But emeralds are so more me than rubies are. My birthstone too.
Gods, babble, babble, babble. I think my first idea about next novel with action plot involving slavers was probably where I want to go. Certainly has the potential for more Methos PTSD. I think Methos is probably an endless mine of PTSD and I certainly don't think he's even close to being finished with PTSD from Kronos. Hell, PTSD from Bordeaux is an endless mine of psychological processing. It's almost 1:30 woman. I have to crash. Enough.
Finished posting at about 2:00am much, much earlier today. Saw patients from 10:00am until 4:00pm. My last two cancelled. I only have four tomorrow. I had to deal with a crisis from around 6:00-7:00. Enough of talking about that.
I zoomed with a friend for an hour or so. I texted and texted with Killalissa, I watched a bunch of HL vids she sent me. I read some D/M stories written by Melina. They were excellent. The most recent was written over 20 years ago.
And I started feeling really itchy about not writing. Okay, I've taken a break. Time to jump back in. Right. But I have to do some research before writing this one.
Hmm, do I really have to do all the research before I start. Probably. Dammit. I could start the set up--I can certainly start putting Methos and Duncan in the setting I want them. Oh, Remy--I'm so very sorry--I'm just not ready to get back to my X-Men novel. I really haven't forgotten you. Logan, will you please just drag Remy out on the roof and smoke some pot with him and Bobby and Hank. None of you are going any where. All are still alive and well in my head. Calm the fuck down, my darlin' Cajun. I'm obsessed with Duncan and Methos and Connor right now.
I wish I could easily get distracted into a D/M or M and C short story. As if I ever actually write anything resembling an actual *short* story. I wish we still had a lyric wheel challenge. Hmm, I spend all my damn time listening to music. I could maybe start an HL lyric wheel challenge. I wonder if anyone would want to participate. I could ask. Or I could just start writing novel number three--the last one was ended about three years into D/M living together. Maybe close to four. Oh, seven years is usually a really hard year for most couples--40% of all divorces are in the 8th year of marriages. So why?
I'm only a psychologist--maybe I could hypothesize. I've certainly seen a lot of couples around that time. I think it has to do with accepting the realities of the flaws in the other individual that are simply not going to change--think, woman, think--it's just hard me for the think of Duncan and Methos in any way except crazy in love. That's just the damn way they live in my head. Omigods, if I had to live with Methos, he and I would totally have fireworks. We're too damn much alike. But by gods, our sex life would be dynamite. Ditto on the sex with Duncan but different conflicts completely.
They totally would not have issues with their sex lives. No, I don't think any of novel 3 should be about them having couples issues. Duncan would be patient and okay with all the alone time Methos would need to pursue whatever is going on with him--and there would always be oh gods, he'd always have something he'd want to be thinking about or creating.
And mother fucking son of bitch, I promised a client I'd finish the new Harry Dresden book by his session tomorrow. Gods. I'm only 150 pages into this 450 page novel. It will not get done by 3:00 tomorrow. Maybe I can distract him. He almost is willing to talk about HL instead if he just wants part of his session to be chatting. Hell, maybe I actually get him to talk about the important psychological issues in his life. Which you know is actually supposed to be my job. I know my 11:00 is ready to dive back into the issues started last week. 12:00 is like pulling teeth, but can be accomplished. 1:00 has immediate issues with a beloved grandparent just having died--and oh, gods, the issues with his girlfriend are still up in air. Okay enough already about patients. It's almost 1:00 am.
I want to think about D/M. As if I ever stop thinking about them. I kinda wonder if maybe I should start putting some thought into the fact that my 40th wedding anniversary is 6/1 of this year. Omigods, ruby anniversary. That sounds ridiculously indulgent, but kinda nice.
Okay, I now declare myself officially bonkers. I have just spent 20 minutes looking at tiny asymmetrical ruby pendant estate sale necklaces. I actually saw one that I think I'd wear. Me. I never fucking wear jewelry. But gods I do miss the solitaire tiny emerald necklace that Roy gave me over 30 years ago. I wish I knew how the hell it just disappeared. But emeralds are so more me than rubies are. My birthstone too.
Gods, babble, babble, babble. I think my first idea about next novel with action plot involving slavers was probably where I want to go. Certainly has the potential for more Methos PTSD. I think Methos is probably an endless mine of PTSD and I certainly don't think he's even close to being finished with PTSD from Kronos. Hell, PTSD from Bordeaux is an endless mine of psychological processing. It's almost 1:30 woman. I have to crash. Enough.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-07 12:04 am (UTC)I don't know if people would like it to come back or not.
I don't think either Robert or Gina really had any intention of getting a divorce. Gina was just taking a fight to higher level--probably so she would win. And as I said above--I don't think Duncan and Methos would have couple's issues--well except for Methos' tendency to keep secrets which would drive Duncan insane and only result in Methos being in trouble with Duncan because he would know he had fucked up. So why does he keep on keeping secrets? I wish he'd tell me. Habit. Thinks it will make life easier. He has too much on his mind. And he can't seem to decide while in a relationship whether he's five, fifteen, 30ish, or truly more than 5000 years old.
Y'know, thinking about this while writing this--I think it has to do with my interest as a writer about being in a relationship in which there mistakes are made, reparative mechanisms exist, and forgiveness is granted. Which probably has to do with my own psychological functioning. No, I know it has to do with all of that. Probably also having to do with self forgiveness.
And as an individual and as a psychologist, I have a lot of interest in PTSD, particularly complex PTSD which is what we call it when there is chronic trauma in childhood while the brain is still developing. Complex PTSD and the complexity of healing from it--not sure anyone ever completely heals, and that is also a part of why Methos keeps secrets--because it's hard for him to feel safe. Ever. With anyone. Beyond anything else, they all die on you at some point. Which I learned at an early, early age. All of which I see as being a part of who Methos is. I think even part of the motivation of his involvement with Alexa was part of trying to work through that chronically occurring trauma. And I don't think he yet knows that about himself.
And you know what? I just realized that book three actually needs to take place not long at all after book two. Which will make it easier all the way around. Methos still has a lot of work to do psychologically speaking. Thank you for letting me babble this much. Of course, I don't know how you could have stopped me. Though you could ask me to stop thinking in type when I'm typing at you and I'd likely try to comply.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-07 02:34 pm (UTC)It's all good with the babbling. ❤️ Thinking aloud is a great way to figure out where a story has to go. I certainly do it all the time (granted, mostly out loud in an empty house). Glad to accidentally provide an outlet for that!
It's interesting to read your speculation about Methos, especially since he states the earliest years of his life are a blur. Of course, he could be lying, but I like to think he really doesn't remember much, especially of his tiny stretch of mortal existence. In which case, he has complex PTSD from something he can't even remember well enough to work on addressing.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-08 04:04 am (UTC)What you don't know however, is that in the book I just finished, Methos recovers memories of his childhood, some very important memories--first memories of being a body slave as a child of about 10 or so, of use to his master in every way. Much later in the story, memories of being about five and seeing his father murdered by slavers and his mother die after they're taken. But he also has some wonderful memories pre 5-6 of being very loved and cared for. Getting the foundation of love and security that allowed him to survive all the trauma that came later.
Loving and being loved deeply wakes up a lot of memories. Then actually finding a good therapist who can know he is Immortal and does eventually know about the Horsemen allows even more memories can emerge. I don't much follow him into the holding environment of the therapeutic alliance. However Methos is writing a thesis using the principles of the philosophy of science to evaluate and integrate some major theories of psychoanalytic thought comparing the theories to what is known in the research. So there is talk in the chapter about what makes therapy work. Probably too much of it. I dunno. He's getting a Ph.D. in philosophy. To be honest, I just gave him my bloody 400 page dissertation which I wrote to get a Ph.D. in psychology in which I really did all that evaluating and integrating.
And now I have a rough idea of the plot of book 3, both action plot and psychological plot and relationship plot. There's entirely too much plot. Book one was mostly action and relationship negotiation.