dswdiane

Gods that was a long run-on babble. Thanks for your patience if you actually read it. 

And hooray, hurrah Lissa and I got to spend hours and hours hanging out and talking and talking and talking today. Glorious. Made me so happy I'm still glowing. Yay.

Then had a lovely chatting conversation with annavere. Now just hanging about and thinking about writing. May or may not. At least I know more about where I'm going.

 I have checked my preferences on AO3, have not changed a thing, and all seems to be as desired--so--

If you're reading this, please be advised, that I am not getting email notifications of any kudos, comments, or replies to ANY comments I've made on other people's works. And this has been going on for well over a week. I have notified AO3 of this problem as of about ten minutes ago, so of course, not response has been made yet. But if you have replied to any comments I've made on AO3, please be advised I do not know about it. 

That's all for now. Gods.

Nope, nope, nope. All my fault. I have no idea what I did, but all my emails from AO3 have been going to spam. Since the beginning of March. Ye fucking gods. I think I rescued all of them. All 40 I could finds in the bloody spam folder which only goes back to March 10. Kill me now, please. 

There really is a problem with listening to my playlist of favorite favorites while writing. I get so caught up in the music that I cannot continue to write. Dammit. The guitar in "Blood Brothers" Iron Maiden just captures my head and body. Okay, now Springsteen, "Badlands." That song is so much a part of me that it's worn a familiar groove in my head. Um, spoke too soon. It still catches me. Think I need to turn the damn music off so I can hear what Duncan and Methos are saying. I'll always get caught by "For the ones who had a notion
A notion deep inside, That it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive."

So I was gonna turn it off but along comes Human by The Killers. Love that one too much and it moves me every damn time--as in my body starts moving.

And this story is a bitch. It won't let me go, but it keep moving to places that I didn't expect it to go. Well, hell, Duncan and Methos frequently to that to me. I ought to be used to it by now. And it's after 1:00 am. I totally gotta crash. The story will still be waiting when I wake tomorrow.

And it was lovely going out to for dinner with Speck, Roy, and Michael this evening. I'm really enjoying becoming closer and closer in my friendship with Speck.

I did some really good work with all the patients I saw today. Than feels good.

Wrote about 2000 words. Probably gonna cut some of it, but we'll see when editing tomorrow. Know roughly what the next few scenes will be and the general direction of the plot.

I'm really tired. Worked hard this week. Wrote a lot. Spent a healthy amount of time hanging out with friends both in person and online.

Wrote all of that last night at about midnight. Didn't post. Don't even know why I didn't. Gods, I was tired beyond tired.

Copied from carenejeans

What is Write Every Day (or as we affectionately type it to save typing) WED?

Write Every Day is an informal writing challenge that moves from journal to journal, hosted by different people instead of on a central comm. It's probably a weird way of doing things, but that's how it's set up and — it's worked so far!

I'm hosting it for the first half of this month ([personal profile] sanguinity will take over on the 16th) . Every day I'll make a post where people can check in to comment on what they've written that day, whether a single sentence or thousands of words; or to talk about problems, ask questions, and generally cheer each other on.

There are no sign-ups. Anyone is welcome to join at any time. Just comment and voila! You have joined.

What counts as "writing" is fairly relaxed, and can include working on research, plotting, RPG text, free-writing, and the ever-useful "alibi sentence," which is what it sounds like, a single sentence written primarily to count as writing for that day.

The goal is to write every day, but it's not required. A tally is kept of everyone's daily writing check-in, but it's to help people stay on track. It isn't a race.

The challenge is meant to help each other develop a consistent writing habit, keep procrastination at bay, get through difficult times, overcome writer's block, and to just keep at it.

If you want more information, read [personal profile] zwei_hexen's, ([personal profile] ysilme and [personal profile] sylvanwitch) Welcome to Write Every Day! which goes into the rules (mostly guidelines) in more depth.


Goals & Plans for the Month

If you have any special goals or plans for the month, feel free to share them! My only plan for the month is to write every day. ;-)


Quote of the Day:

"You don't have to write every day to be a writer, you just have to feel guilty every day that you don't."

— Nic Farey, in his SF fanzine This Here.


Onward!

So, I ran away from fandom in about 2012 gafiated, I believe the term used to be--short for getting away from it all. I didn't run away because I no longer wanted to be there except partially. Mostly it was because I had to work about 160 million hours/week. Well, actually I was working 35-40 hours a week at the counseling center at GSU (GA State University) and maintaining a private practice seeing about 15 clients a week and driving back and forth between the two. Roy, my spousal unit, was out of work or working part time in retail during that time and my son who was 24 didn't have work at all and had significant health issues. None of us had health insurance because the AHCA didn't require coverage of pre-existing conditions until 2014. I could go on and on about all the financial responsibility I had to manage, but I won't.

And to be 100% honest, I also ran away because I had been hurt very, very badly by someone in fandom. It's only been recently that I think I've truly finished grieving what happened there. I won't say another word about it in what could be a public forum.

My best friend since high school died sometime or another in the oughts--no--it had to have been in the 90s. She and I were, thank the gods, able to say everything we needed to say to one another before she died and I was at her side (literally) when she actually died.

I had also been living in polyamorous triad since 1986 and one of my partners left in 2006. It was an amicable parting of ways for the most part--but it was another loss of a big part of my life.

Long story short--I retreated into an introverted shell for the most part. I adored one of my colleagues at GSU. She and I hung out all the time when we weren't seeing clients and often hung out for lunch and after work. But mostly I worked all the time even when I left GSU and took almost all my clients including two therapy groups to my private practice with permission and blessings from the counseling center. I saw the groups on Saturdays. I did start taking Mondays off when I worked every Saturday.

In short, from 2012 until the last year or so, I worked. My primary social contacts after I left GSU were the characters in the books I read. We didn't even have a television from 2006 until the pandemic when someone gave me one to use to see clients. So I hung out with Mercy Thompson, Harry Dresden, Elvis Cole and Joe Pike, Miles Vorkosagin and his family, Jane Yellowrock, October Daye, Kate Daniels and Curran, Nevada and Rogan, Casey and Eric, Daemon Sadi, Jaenelle, and Lucivar Yaslana, Simon Wolfgard, Meg, and all the others in The Others, Chris Parker, Imala Anderson, and Sakai-Sama, Lily and her formidable grandmother in the Lupi series--Oh, all these characters in books which luckily my husband and son also read so I always had someone with who I could to talk about these people.

Last May--y'know, I don't really know what the hell happened--I don't remember whether I reached out to people I used to know first or if I started rewriting my Highlander fic first. However it happened, it happened. I think I actually got bloody tired of reading and reading and reading. Methos and Duncan were suddenly alive and back in my head all the time--I had some fairly decent stories that needed not extensive rewrites--Actually I think I reached out first because I found the Highlander discord group because I found my Killalissa who sent me there. I reconnected with Luminosity. I became friends rather quickly and intensively with Tornis.

And omigods, I was writing and writing and loving it. And Lissa and I, it seems like fairly soon were talking almost every day and omigods, she actually loves my duncan and methos almost as much as I love the way she writes them.

So why am I babble, babble, babbling here right now. I'm not sure. Part of it is that it's almost time to start book 3 about Duncan and Methos and this one is going to require extensive plotting. I've gotten the scene set in chapter 1 & 2 & half of 3, but now is the time to really start the plot the psychological parts of which are clear to me. The fucking action/adventure is gonna be much more of a pain to plot out. Gosh. Maybe I really do for once need to actually outline how it's gonna go. Book 1 had an action adventure plot but it just kinda flowed as I wrote it. The flow isn't happening in book 3. Well so it goes.

So why did I come here and blurt all these words out in this journal. Partly because Lissa has SO much going on that she's not available right now to plot with me. I need more people in my life that I can talk to and hang out with. I've been reaching out, but several potential friendships that interest me are just beginning to bud and certainly have not yet flowered. i just realized that I really could brainstorm with Tornis--they're really very good at helping me think through what the hell I'm doing with mechanics of plotting. I probably ought to to go and tell them so.

I think I also needed to get clear with myself about what's going on with me and the people in my life. My gods, I suddenly actually have people in my life and they're real flesh and blood people not the characters in my books.

I really should pause here and admit that I do have another 30 or so people in my life with whom I talk every week--but they're my patients and there are issues to be addressed. That's my work. They're not my friends--and they shouldn't be. I mean it's okay that S. and I have talked about Sherlock and Sherlock fic, but that's not the most important thing she and I discuss. It's okay that C and I talked about Lestat--I haven't even looked to see if there is Lestat fic. Not sure I want to. It's bad enough that I've gotten addicted to some Sherlock fic--Laura JV, if you read this, some of that is your fault.

And also, sometimes, talking to around 30 people every week with whom I actually pay attention to how their pasts are affecting their present and how they get in their own way and how to deal with parents and work and stay sane and healthy in a crazy world. Right. Sometimes all of that makes me want to either NOT talk to another person or to babble nonstop about what goes on with ME instead of listening so carefully. Though I can never really turn it off. Lissa pointed that out to me sometime recently. I said something to her about how what I said came out while I was wearing my psychologist hat. She gently informed me that as far as she can tell, I never really take that hat off. Probably so.

My gods, I've just written more about myself than I have in fucking ages. Enough already.

After a week in which I could not get Methos to tell me what the hell is going on with him, on Sunday both of them (Duncan and Methos) started talking to me again. YAY.

As a result I am now 2000 words into chapter one of book three which does not yet have a name of any kind, although it is a continuance of the Past Imperfect series--So Past Imperfect, Future as yet unknown--though loosely plotted.

My favorite part of what I've written so far:

"Methos closed his eyes for a moment. "I was taking a long walk—near the water—Trying to settle inside me what I'd talked about with Ralph. What we'd talked about was tiddlywinks compared to what came next—"

"Tiddlywinks?" Duncan cut in, laughing. "**Tiddlywinks**?"

Methos made a frustrated sigh. "A ridiculous game played with round—"

"I know *what* tiddlywinks are, Methos." Duncan kept laughing. "I just haven't heard anyone use it as a word/phrase/whatever the hell it is in years."

"It's fucking game, Duncan. And, in case it has escaped your notice, MacLeod, I AM *old*. Look, do you even want to hear—"

"Yes, I'm sorry," Duncan said contritely. "I'm really sorry. I do want to know what happened."

Methos grinned at him. "Furthermore, I know you were trying to make me laugh to relieve some of my tension. Thank you. That was unusually considerate of you."

"I beg your pardon. There is absolutely nothing unusual about—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah—mission accomplished. You can bloody well stop now—"

"You really, really want me to stop trying to make you laugh—urk" As one of Methos' pillows hit Duncan square in the face, he burst into startled laughter.

When both of them managed to stop laughing, Duncan pulled Methos into a hug and said, "Yes, I really want to hear what happened that was much more serious than tiddlywinks."

Methos settled back into curling up into Duncan's side with one of Duncan's arms around his shoulder and his face resting on Duncan's shoulder. "Yeah. But thank you for making me laugh. It did help. A lot. I knew there were a multitude of reasons I love you."

"Multitude of reasons I love you, too," Duncan said easily. "So, continue."

Methos nodded. "So I was walking and getting close to that area with the combined marina and the yacht club and the golf course and country club or whatever those things are called when they're all grouped together and on top of one another and yes, I know, there couldn't possibly be a golf course on top of a marina—"

"Sounds like a fascinating concept in landscaping and architecture," Duncan contributed helpfully."

So, yay, they're talking and they sound like themselves and just--yay.

I'm writing again, again, again. It really scared me last week after I finished book 2 and I wasn't much able to write anything except the first few paragraphs. But I think maybe my writing mind wanted a rest. I've written two full novels, a novella length story, a novelette, and three short stories since last May. And rewrote and posted all the short fiction (some of which were novella and novelette length) I wrote back before 2012.

And I am only happy when I'm writing and writing and writing. Well, I suppose maybe I can be happy doing other things, but not was happy as when I'm spending part of almost every day writing. And now I have a patient in about 10 minutes and really need to get focused on doing the work I get paid for. I have six clients today. Not bad. But gods, more and more and more every day I realize I much I really want to partially retire. I just looked and my gods, there are only about six or seven clients I really, really *want* to keep. OTOH, there are only four or five that I really, really wish would just go away and find a way to be content with life without my assistance.

All of that is an issue I really need to contemplate more fully because I really could take a partial retirement. Oh gods and demi-gods and shrieking demons (Methos please stop it already with these bizarre exclamations that end up only be used by you and me)(yeah right. As if--). If only the ones I most want to go away were not the same ones who have the most trouble with coping. Goddam ethical dilemmas suck.

Hey ho, the chapter's done, the book is done, the chapter's done. Hey ho, what in hell do I do now?

Well, it's almost 1:00 am. Maybe I should like not worry about starting another book. Maybe I should like maybe go and get some sleep for once.

I shall have time tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day.

I cannot get a headache to go away. I cannot write fic while having a splitting headache. I'm frustrated because I think I'm definitely, positively, absolutely on the last chapter of my interminable Duncan/Methos fic.

And now my head hurts too badly to even keep writing an entry to this journal thingie I've hardly ever used anyway.

So, now that headache is gone, I'm writing and writing and writing. I honest to gods, think I'm on the last chapter of Past Imperfect. Present Pending which I may have to rename to Past Imperfect. Present Getting Better. I dunno.

And I have ideas for book 3 flying about in my head. All Duncan/Methos. Of course. But with an actual action adventure plot instead of it all being psychological--not that I'm capable of leaving psychological out of any plotting I do. No more than leaving sappy romantic things out of plots I do. I gotta get back to Connor and Methos--they're in the middle of an important scene.

So, why am I here? The shortest and easiest answer is that after not having done so for over 15 years, I read some of my Highlander fic. And like it. And realized I missed it, missed the people I knew in fandom, even fandoms in which I don't share an interest, and realized I wanted to reconnect with that part of my life. And maybe even write more fic.

Why gone so long? The simplest answer is that beginning around 2011-2012, I started working over 50 hours/week. It wasn't particularly healthy or wise, but my husband was unemployed and my family needed the money and I had to work. Through more than four years of that time, I worked 30 or so hours/week at the GA State University Counseling Center as a contract therapist and maintained a private practice. When I left GSU, I had enough business to earn a living just doing the private practice, though I was still working too many hours.

Then there was Covid which didn't change much about the amount of work I had except I was now working from home and using video to see all my clients. There have been many other changes. If I manage to connect with any of the friends I used to have and if any of you are interested, I'll fill in the gaps.

At any rate, I'm here and hope to stay and be welcome.